Hey everyone!
It's been a while since my last post, but we're still doing great. Still happily parenting three little boys, still feeling wonderfully blessed, and still very outnumbered! When it comes down to it, life doesn't get much better than this, and we are so grateful for the opportunity we have to raise three beautiful little boys.
But seriously, these boys. I tell you what, they keep me running! We've had many, many more doctor's appointments since my last post, and if I've learned anything as a parent, it's this: my kids will stop at nothing to make sure each public outing is just a little more embarrassing than the last.
Here is the next installment of my Outnumbered Chronicles, where I list my most memorable experiences as a mom. These are the gems I don't want to forget over time. Without further ado, I give you Kids at the Doctor Part 2:
(WARNING: If doctor-talk makes you squeamish, this isn't for you! :)
- I took all three boys in a few weeks ago because we thought everyone had strep throat. (Only one of us did, thank goodness! But I digress). I did my best to cheer on each boy as they had their throats swabbed. I'd hold their hands, give them high fives when they were done, promise them candy... you know the drill. Then it was my turn. All three boys insisted on holding my hands (I only have two hands, so one of them held my knee) and they all cheered for me when I was done. Johnny held my face in both hands and told me I was the bravest mommy he ever had. Looking back, this was probably the easiest appointment we've ever had. I had to give you something to compare the rest to. :)
- Last summer I had abdominal surgery to remove some painful scar tissue. I had to take all three boys with me to meet with the surgeon the first time. They spread legos across the whole office and at least two of them were yelling the whole time I talked to the doctor. He ended up bribing them with lollipops so we could have two minutes to hear each other. (Did I mention I really liked that surgeon? Anyone who can get my kids to sit quietly for any length of time is all right in my book. He also solved a problem I'd been dealing with for years, so there's that.)
- After my surgery we had a lot of sweet people drop by to bring dinners and well-wishes. Johnny insisted on showing every single one of them the picture of my "triangle owie," which was a shot the doctor had taken of my intestines attached to my liver. The scar tissue growing there looked like a triangle, and it was super gross. I tried to throw the pic away a thousand times, but alas - every time a new visitor arrived, Johnny would magically produce the nasty shot of my innards. It made for some great conversations."Hey, thanks so much for dinner, and by the way, here are my intestines. Aren't they nice?" Good times.
- When I was first pregnant with Zach (surprise!), Johnny was only eight months old. I went in for my first appointment and Johnny sat on my chest during the whole exam. He was eating crackers and dropping crumbs in my mouth. It was super fun. It just so happens that crackers were the only thing I could make myself eat at the time, so that worked out nicely!
Speaking of taking kids to your women's doctor appointments, here it is folks: the most embarrassing appointment of my life. I'm mostly sharing this for my own future reference, just in case I ever mistakenly think I can handle taking children to the OB-GYN.
It was my six-week appointment after having Toby. I scheduled it specifically for a time that I knew Paul would be home to watch the boys.
The day dawned nice and bright. About ten minutes before I had to leave, Paul called to say he wasn't going to be able to make it home in time. YIKES!! I hurriedly dressed the boys, and we were only a few minutes late to the appointment.
Once we were taken back to the room, I situated the double stroller with the two younger boys behind me so they would be out of the way. I sat Johnny on a chair to the side and gave him my phone to distract him. The doctor came in and we chit-chatted while I got all situated in the stirrups. My plan was working! The boys were all happily distracted during my nether exam and I was the most amazing mommy of three EVER!!
But then.
Johnny looked up. His curious little 3-year-old eyes widened in alarm. "What's happening, Mommy? Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, buddy, you keep playing Angry Birds." He cast the phone aside and stood up. No. No no no!! This was not a part of my PLAN!!!
The doctor continued to whistle away nonchalantly from down under. Johnny grabbed my right hand and asked, "Does it hurt, Mommy?"
"No, go sit down! It's fine!" I answered through gritted teeth. Good grief, does it usually take this long? Isn't the doc done already? After an eternity Johnny turned away, presumably to return back to his game. Nope.
Suddenly, his little head popped up inches away from the doctor's, right between the stirrups. Hands on his hips, he glared at the doctor and said, "What are you doing to my mommy?"
You guys, I died. I really did. I started laugh-shaking so hard the doctor had to hold me still so he could finish his unpleasantries. Tears were streaming down my face, mostly from embarrassment but a little from laughing.
The worst part of the whole thing? The doctor didn't laugh! I guess laughing would have probably been inappropriate in his position, but not laughing - totally worse.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why children do not go to women's doctor appointments. If any of you have had similar horrifying experiences, please share! I will laugh with you even if the doctor doesn't! :)
